Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient So As To Meet Girls And Connect With Women

A week ago one of my close friends asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears which pop up sometimes - even when things are going great.

In fact it's not at all an easy question to answer as it differs from person to person. There are literally entire books which have been written on that topic only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you may start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant way to climb a ladder.

Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially scary. So while I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just listen to music at my home. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

These are a few examples. When you feel uncomfortable and fearful simply try to think of a lower gradient that isn't as scary and enables you to make forward progress toward your ultimate goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to relate to them very quickly.

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